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Excerpts from Ann Barrett Batson...

Friendliness: Southerners just can’t imagine going through life aloof and poker-faced. We’re raised to behave sociably and neighborly to our fellow man, even if we don’t particularly like them or know them from a hole in the ground. First-time visitors to the Southern invariably receive our wholesome friendliness with astonishment, if not with guarded suspicion, but soon are eager to adopt our amicable ways for themselves.

If you’ve a hankering to, you can learn some southern-style friendliness for yourself with the following guidelines. But remember our fair warning: Use your newly found skills with discretion when you venture outside the South-land. Since your contemporaries may be unused to such kindliness, they will probably wonder what in the Sam Hill has gotten into you!

Being friendly to unknowns: Unless the strangers you encounter are most unsavory characters, behave as if you’ve known them since you were born. This means waving or smiling when passing and always greeting (How ya doing?) if within earshot. At the very least make eye contact and give a nod!

We southerners are content with a more relaxed lifestyle. We talk slow, walk slow and always seem so calm, but after all isn’t life a journey, what’s the use of not enjoying the ride?

Speak slowly. Savor the flavor of your words. Adopt a nasal twang and add a lilt to your tempo. Resist any inclination to enunciate preceisely. End your sentences with a lift to your voice, as if asking a question.

We Southerners not only belong to our homeland, we belong to one another. This is because the southland is actually one massive extended family of relations and associations, some of those small towns are ALL part of the same family, believe me!

But the benefits of it are that no matter where you go, you’ll most likely know somebody there, you see absolutely EVERYONE at Wal-Mart!

Down south, we’re justifiably famous for our gracious manners. Having good manners means being unfailingly polite, courteous, respectful, and helpful to relations, friends and strangers. If you were brought up by real southerners, you always say,” yes ma’am and no sir” to everybody older than yourself.

We’re called the Bible Belt, and for good reason, EVERYBODY goes to church: that’s one of THE social activities. They meet on Sunday mornings, and nights; Wednesday is Youth Group; Thursday is Bible Study; and their always planning trips and activities for the weekend. During the summer, every church has vacation Bible school, and most people go to more than one!

Southern Foods...

Grits: Eaten every morning with butter, salt and pepper
Vidalia Onions: onions so sweet that people eat ‘em like apples
Pecans: (pronounced PEEcans) – used to make pecan pies
Peanuts: Usually eaten boiled (pronounced bowled) as in bowled over.
Chitlins: Ok, let’s clarify that not ALL southerners eat these and you do not want to know what they are and where they come from!
Fried Chicken: but of course!

Rules of the South...

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will use it for cooking and seasoning all manner of foods and vegetables.
Just because you can’t drive on snow and ice does not mean we can stay home the two days of the year it DOES snow.
Don’t be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
See number 3. Don’t buy food in the movie rental store.
If it can’t be fried in grease it ain’t worth cooking let alone eatin.
Remember: Ya’ll is singular. All y’all is plural. All y’alls is plural possessive.
There is nothing sillier than a Northerner trying to imitate a southern accent, unless is a southerner trying to imitate a Boston accent.
Get used to hearing, “You ain’t from around here, are you?”
Don’t be worried that you don’t understand anyone. They don’t understand you either.
If there is the slightest prediction of snow even miniscule amounts… you’re presence is required at the local grocery store for milk and bread.
“Bless your heart” is not always a term of endearment!
Southern Belle’s are a true gift from God to the world, and if you’re a northern transplant, well just bless your heart, fake it! We all know that you got here as fast as you could!

How To Speak Southern
from "More How To Speak Southern" written by Steve Mitchell

Afar: In a state of combustion. "Call the far department. That house is afar."

Ahr: What we breathe, also a unit of time made up of 60 minutes. "They should've been here about an ahr ago."

Ary: Not any. "He hadn't got ary cent."

Awfullest: The worst. "That's the awfullest lie you evr told me in your life."

Best: Another baffling Southernism that is usually couched in the negative. "You best not speak to Bob about his car. He just had to spend $300 on it."

Cawse: Cause, usually preceded in the South by the adjective "lawst" (lost). "The War Between the States was a lawst cawse."

Chunk: To throw. "Chunk it there, Leroy. Ole Leroy sure can chunk 'at ball, can't he? Best pitcher we ever had."

Clone: A type of scent women put on themselves. "what's that clone you got on, honey?"

Contrary: Obstinate, perverse. "Jim's a fine boy, but she won't have nothin' to do with him. She's just contrary, is all Ah can figure."

Daints: A more or less formal event in which members of the opposite sex hold each other and move rhythmically to the sound of music. "You wanna go to the daints with me Saturday night, Bobbie Sue?"

Dollin: Another term of endearment. (darling) "Dollin, will you marry me?"

Dreckly: Soon. "He'll be along dreckly."

Everthang: All-encompassing. "everthang's all messed up."

Everhoo: Another baffling Southernism - a reverse contraction of whoever."Everhoo one of you kids wants to go to the movie better clean up their room."

Fetchin': Attractive. "That's a mighty fetchin' woman. Think I'll ask her to daints."

Fixin' to: About to. "I'm fixin' to go to the store."

Gawn: Departed. "Bo's not here. He's gawn out with somebody else."

Got a good notion: A statement of intent. "Ah got a good notion to cut a switch and whale the dickens out of that boy."

Grain of sense: An appraisal of intelligence, invariably expressed in negative terms. "That boy ain't got a grain of sense."

Hush yo' mouth: An expression of pleased embarrassment, as when a Southern female is paid an extravagant compliment. "Honey, you're 'bout the sweetest, best-lookin' woman in Tennessee. Now hush yo' mouth, Jim Bob."

Ignert: Ignorant. "Ah've figgered out what's wrong with Congress. Most of 'em are just plain ignert."

Ill: Angry, testy. "What's wrong with Molly today? She's ill as a hornet."

Innerduce: To make one person acquainted with another. "Lemme innerduce you to my cousin. She's a little on the heavy side, but she's got a great personality."

Jewant: Do you want. "Jewant to go over to the Red Rooster and have a few beers?"

Ka-yun: A sealed cylinder containing food. "If that woman didn't have a kay-un opener, her family would starve to death."

Kerosene cat in hell with gasoline drawers on: A colorful Southern expression used as as evaluation of someone's ability to accomplish something. "He ain't got no more chance than a kerosene cat in hell with gasoline drawers on."

Kin: Related to. An Elizabethan expression, one of many which survived in the South. "Are you kin to him?" "Yeah, He's my brother."

Layin' up: Resting or meditating. Or as Southern women usually put it, loafing. "Cecil didn't go to work today 'cause of a chronic case of laziness. He's been layin' up in the house all day, drivin' me crazy."

Let alone: Much less. "He can't even hold a job and support himself, let alone support a family."

Let out: Dismissed. "What time does school let out?"

Mahty raht: Correct. "You mahty raht about that, Awficer. Guess Ah WAS speedin' a little bit."

Mind to: To have the intention of doing something. "Ah got a mind to quit my job and just loaf for a while."

Nawth: Any part of the country outside the South - Midwest, California or whatever. If it's not South, it's Nawth. "People from up Nawth sure do talk funny."

Of a moanin: Of a morning, meaning in the morning. "My daddy always liked his coffee of a moanin."

Ownliest: The only one. "That's the ownliest one Ah've got left."

PEEcans: Northerners call them peCONNS for some obscure reason. "Honey, go out in the yard and pick up a passel of PEEcans. Ah'm gonna make us a pie."

Pert: Perky, full of energy. "You look mighty pert today."

Pick at: To pester and annoy. "Jimmy, Ah told you not to pick at your little sister."

Purtiest: The most pretty. "ain't she the purtiest thing you ever seen?"

Raffle: A long-barrelled firearm. "Dan'l Boone was a good shot with a raffle."

Rahtnaow: At once. "Linda Sue, Ah want you to tell that boy it's time to go home and come in the house rahtnaow."

Ranch: A tool used to lossen or tighten nuts and bolts. "Hand me that ranch, Homer."

Restrunt: A place to eat. "New Yorker's got a lot of good restrunts."

Retard: No longer employed. "He's retard now."

Sass: Another Elizabethan term derived from the word saucy, meaning to speak in an impertinent manner. "Don't sass me, young lady. You're not too old to get a whippin'."

Shudenoughta: Should not. "You shudenoughta have another drink."

Spell: An indetermined length of time. "Let's sit here and rest a spell."

Stain: The opposite of leaving. "Ah hate this party, and Ah'm not stain much longer."

Supper: The evening meal Southererners are having while Yankees are having dinner. "What's for supper, honey?

Tawt: To instruct. "Don't pull that cat's tail. Ah tawt you better'n that."

That ole dawg won't hunt no more: That will not work. "You want to borrow $20 when you still owe me fifty? That ole dawg won't hunt no more."

Tore up: Distraught, very upset. "His wife just left him, and he's all tore up about it."

Uhmewzin: Funny, comical. "Few things are more uhmewzin than a Yankee tryin' to affect a Southern accent, since they invariably address one person as 'y'all when any Southern six-year-old knows 'y'all is always plural because it means 'all of you.'"

Unbeknownst: Lacking knowledge of. "Unbeknownst to them, he had marked the cards."

Usta: Used to. "Ah usta live in Savanah."

Wear out: An expression used to describe a highly-effective method of behavior modification in children. "When Ah get ahold of that boy, Ah'm gonna wear him out."

Wender: A glass-covered opening in a wawl. "Open that wender, It's too hot in here."

Yat: A common greeting in the Irish Channel section of New Orleans. Instead of saying "hey" in lieu of "hello" the way most Southerners do, they say, "Where yat?"

Yew: Not a tree, but a personal pronoun. "Yew wanna shoot some pool?"

Y'heah?: A redundant expression tacked onto the end of sentences by Southerners. "Y'all come back soon, y'heah?"

Yungins: Also spelled younguns, meaning young ones. "Ah want all you yungins in bed in five minutes."